Opinions Are Like…..We All Have One

Oh opinions. We all have them. We all have the right to them. We all have the option on whether we share them or not. That’s the crux. To share or not to share. When opinion overrides empathy, opinion needs to take a back seat. Struggling with many illnesses as long as I have, I could write a book about other people’s opinions on why they think I have the health struggles I do. Everyone seems very quick to offer an opinion, even complete strangers.

I was on a walk with my daughter many years ago during some of my most difficult health times and I ran into a neighbor I had never met before. We got to chatting and she asked if I was going to have more children. I told her we were happy with one. She pressed the issue several more times and after my answers would not abate her questions, I finally told her that I struggle with some health issues that would make pregnancy and delivery super high risk let alone the fact taking care of another child would be beyond my capabilities with my present health. To that she exclaimed that I should get pregnant because she heard from a neighbors, sisters, cousins, penpal that getting pregnant cured her and I NEEDED to get pregnant and all of my troubles would be long gone. Thanks lady I just met. Appreciate it.

The Human Side Of Opinions

While deep down I know that this lady shared her opinion with the best of intentions, what she didn’t know was that having another child is something that I mourn and grieve, even to this day. By sharing her opinion, it broke our connection. It made me withdraw from the conversation and move on. Empathy would have gone a long way.

Sadly, not only do opinions have the ability to break connection, they can bring isolation and division. This can be especially hard in families. Strangers are one thing, family is a whole other blog post!

I wanted to share one of my most favorite quotes ever. It really says everything I want to say and it says it better.

PREACH!!!!

So, how can we ditch the opinions and embrace empathy? I am going to specify how to show empathy to those that are chronically ill, but these are tips that are applicable in most circumstances.

Here Are My 5 Tips To Embrace Empathy

1. Write a note to let them know you are thinking of them. Encourage them. This means more then you will ever know. Long ago I used to work for my church and since I was on staff I would get the prayer requests that were filled out from the congregants over the weekend. About 1/4 of the people requesting our prayers left their address. I would write notes to each of them that left their address letting them know I was praying for them, thinking of them and I did my best to encourage them. Almost all of the people I wrote to ended up writing back expressing how touched they were from the note I had sent. Especially in this day and age, a hand written note is even more meaningful. 

2. Bring them a meal that is specific to the way they eat. It communicates that you are willing to make a meal that is in line with their dietary requirements and that you see them and what they are going through. It helps that person for that one night not to have to use their energy, which is in short supply. I have been on the giving and receiving end many times and while I am a lot more comfortable in the giving role, receiving a meal that I can eat has been so helpful and I am always so humbled and grateful for the kindness and generosity behind it. 

Photo Credit: Willow Tree

3. Listen to them. Go over to their house and listen. We deal with a lot. Life is hard. No one can seem to fix us. It can be isolating. It can be lonely. A non-judgmental, listening ear goes a long way. We also have a lot to offer. The lessons that are learned while dealing with a chronic health issue are vast. 

4. Call them. I know, right? No, they will not think that someone was kidnapped if you actually use your phone for a call. I promise! A quick call to say hello and that I’m thinking of you is simple and sweet and can make the entire day of someone who is chronically ill. 

5. Invite them anyway. It’s easy to plan a party or a function and think “Oh, so and so can’t come because they are so sick”. Still invite and ask. Who doesn’t like being thought of? Those that struggle with illness can feel cut off physically and emotionally from the rest of the world. It can feel like others have just forgotten about them. A simple invite goes a long way.

Bottom line in all of this is that those who suffer from chronic illness need your presence, not your judgment. I suppose that is true for all of us though, isn’t it?

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Do you struggle with a chronic illness? What would you add to the list?