Taking A Glimpse Back
As this week passed and I was all kinds of topsy turvy in the body, brain and spirit, it was hard not to feel like I was just experiencing the same old same old. This is what I am used to. At this point I would normally go in to my Nutritional Response Therapist and have her muscle test me and have some relief, even if it was only for a few days. I could feel my mind wander back into the thought…for just a…moment. No! I made a decision to walk forward in this new way. I was being prepared for this. I needed to see how it played out. I was very upfront with Dr. Keller how I was feeling and I filled her in. She was able to say, “Kacy, you are in the middle of the movie as it is playing out. I get to sit back and watch the movie play out. Nothing that has happened so far has surprised me. I have not had to scratch the surface of my mad scientist brain yet.” It was quite comforting. I was not surprising her. She has seen this before. This road may be new for me, but it certainly was not new.
One day my daughter asked if we could swing by the Hallmark Store on our way home and I told her I had a very limited shelf period, but that we could go as long as we made it quick. While I am waiting for my daughter to pick out her latest amazing find from the shelves, my eyes gazed over and there was this sign. “Don’t look back you’re not going that way”. IMMEDIATE CONFIRMATION! I had been wanting to look back. Wanting a taste of relief. Wanting a break from walking forward into this hard, new territory. At the moment I was reading this I was feeling shaky and weak and just reading this gave me a boost of inner strength.
My path has told me that anytime that I try to adopt something new, something different, there will be opposition. Change won’t just come with a magical wand and an ease. It will come at a price. Any change that has been worth it in my life, has always cost me something. After time has passed and I am able to look back, I am able to notice that the cost was minuscule in comparison to what I had gained. I am certainly hopeful that this is the case when it comes to my SIBO journey.
This week on the emotional and spiritual, based on the advice from News front I turned more inward. More quiet prayers, more speaking the truth to the lies that popped up in my head. Having grace, peace and hope set up territory in my domain was my objective. I tried to funnel my thoughts through those 3 words. As the week went on and I was worn down, it became increasingly hard. The independent me needed to show the weak me that it was willing to ask for help. I had friends pray for me and help me with my physical duties. While receiving can feel uncomfortable for this independent giver, receiving gracefully continues to teach me lots of lessons.
As I enter week three I’m honestly nervous and hopeful. We shall see how it all goes…
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When you’re right smack dab in the middle of hard times while trying to heal, what helps you on an emotional and spiritual level?
2 comments
Thanks for sharing your continued healing journey Kacy. It seems as we share our burdens/battles with others, what ever they may be, God seems to lighten and lift the loads off of all participating parties, from the writer to the reader, and yes, He even operates via cyber-space! I believe God actively enters our struggles when two or more are gathered, thus allowing us to feel His presence and Grace in the process. I too, have learned much as an independent giver turned receiver of late, though somewhat painful, as you mentioned, God showing up in the prayer and physical help from your friends is a beautiful thing. Continued prayers your way for healing and your ministry work.
David, your comment was such a joy to read, thank you. This thing called life is certainly a refining fire, isn’t it? I’m grateful that we are all in it together to help encourage, life up and normalize our own situations. Thank you again for your kind words!